Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Our Truth

Pretend It’s April 15th……I am late with the Call To Action by JCICS.

Our Truth
No one who knows us or knows of us doubts that Delaney and I (and my mom) are a family.
No one doubts we were meant to be together.
No know one doubts how much I LIVE to be her Mommy and how my mom and her have such a special relationship.

Many do not know how hard it was to become a Mom. Failed relationships, failed female reproductive parts, failed domestic adoption….mountains of paperwork, LOOONG flights to Siberia, the waiting, standing before a Russian judge to convince her I was worthy of parenting a child from Russia…

A day does not go by that I thank Russia for giving me the child I always dreamed of, or think of the woman who gave her life. My daughter is every single thing I thought my daughter would be. She is happy, she is healthy, she is smart, and she loves me, she sings as she picks up her toys, she is beauitful, she crawls into bed with me at 5am every morning. ALL children love their parents, even when they cannot express it. And while Delaney spent the first 18 months of her life in a tiny orphanage in Siberia, she is well adjusted and loves that she is Russian and when she sees a picture of St. Basil’s she screams, “That’s My Russia!”

We are lucky and blessed. Delaney was lucky to be well cared for and nurtured by her caretakers before it was my turn. I prepared for the child to be mine, however, to come to me with difficulties from a life she did not choose. I knew that it was entirely possible I would spend time helping her heal, teaching her what it meant to have a family and a Mommy. This is the reality for many who come home and for the parents who take on that responsibility. I actually was not prepared for how advanced she was and is…yesterday she explained to me what a washer is, and not what you clean your clothes in! The washer that is related to nuts and bolts and screws! She excels in gymnastics, takes dance and is playing soccer. She loves swimming and wants to learn the violin and how to speak Spanish.

And for as much as I gush about our life, about how much joy she brings me and about how much she makes me laugh, the truth is parenting is hard, period. Add in adoption, add in post-institutionalized issues, add in adjustment issues, and it’s even harder. I work full-time. I have a long commute. I am a single parent.

When I get home she wants to play, and she wants to go for a walk and she wants dinner…..when she is overly tired she melts down about the silliest of things, and when her feelings are hurt she is sad. When she gets a shot she looks at me as if I have the ability to make the pain stop…oh, that’s so hard! I feel guilty when I put her in a timeout even though she broke a rule, I feel guilty when I yell at her because I am overly tired and she doesn’t understand why I yelled, I don’t understand why I yelled……I make pancakes with chocolate chips and let her jump in rain puddles. We make a heart shaped cake on our Family Day and write “I love you” on it. I drive her to dance class on Wednesdays, soccer on Saturday mornings when I want to sleep in. She broke my computer’s disk drive by leaning on it. When she was 22 months she pulled a corral beaded anklet off my leg I had custom made in Hawaii. We sing the Sponge Bob song really loud in the car and race to the front door when we get out of the car. I let her *drive* the car down the street….we both love Sheryl Crowe, and Dora. She loves our Family Night movies….I taught her all the words to Horse With No Name when she was three…we both love cheese. We have watched Bolt 178 times (maybe). Once she woke up with 105 fever and thought she was seeing bugs eveywhere, I was terrified. Once she came downstairs to go out to play wearing her lifevest, I was rolling on the floor laughing. Last year at school the kids wrote why they loved their Mommies for Mother's Day..."becasue she is the best Mom who came to get me." I was in tears.

The truth is, this is our wonderful, beautiful, sometimes frustrating, never boring life and

1 comment:

Bendlin Family said...

That is one of the best yet! I love it!